Negotiating with myself

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This morning I was in bed and did not want to get up.  So I started thinking about what I was going to wear to work.  I figured, I could lay in bed a little longer if I was being productive.  It made me laugh and I remembered doing this in high school all the time.

I’m curious, does anyone else do this?

The funny thing is that it really does end up saving me time later in the morning…maybe I’m on to something!

xoxo

photo via Thom Davies

Blurry weekend, and not in the good way

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We had quite a weekend.  Having two kids is a wonderful experience, and the hardest thing I have ever done!  We have been having some sleep issues and this weekend was no exception.

I got into work this morning in a haze and it reminded me of an episode of How I Met Your Mother where Lilly and Marshall are delirious from the new baby and everything looks and sounds like it’s happening under water.  That is exactly how I feel today!  I remember laughing pretty hard during the episode and the relief that washed over me to see an accurate portrayal of this cloudy feeling.

As a result I searched the interwebs found some pretty staggering statistics about sleep and parenting:

  • New parents lose 44 DAYS of sleep in the first year of a child’s life (that’s 44×24 hours=1056 HOURS)
  • Parents get just 5.1 hours of sleep per night in their first year
  • Surveyed mothers survive on an average of just three-and-a-half hours’ sleep a night for the first four months of their baby’s life
  • Half the surveyed mothers said that the sleeplessness had caused fights with their partners
  • 83% of new mothers surveyed said that sheer fatigue put them off sex

This all feels true.

What’s amazing is that as hard as it all is, I can and am doing it.  I would have never predicted that I would react this way when I had kids.  I thought the husband would do most of the work but it turns out, I am stronger and more resilient than I realized.  And actually, those middle of the night moments can be really special and bonding.  After working and being in daycare all day, sometimes it’s what we both need.  I mean, I’d like the sleep and we both need that, too, but the middle of the night is what I tend to remember most about babyhood.

In the end, I’m learning a lot about myself, and growing into a parent.  And someone who drinks a lot of coffee.

Can any parents out there relate?!

xoxo

PS If you really want a good laugh, Google ‘mom multitasking’

Have an engrossing weekend

Steve Martin Reading Book About Bob Dylan

What are you up to this weekend?  The husband is running in a ROC Race and I’m hoping to go see the kids’ teachers perform in a hip hop dance competition, they step and they stroll.

Have a wonderful weekend!

xoxo

Photo via Mr Garcia

Weekly Weigh In – Self Love

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I’ve been working on normal eating for over six years now.  I started the journey hoping to uncover the reasons behind my urgency to eat and I have gotten that and so much more.  I guess that’s the way it is with therapy, you start with vanity and in the end, find yourself.

Lately I’ve been struggling, though, and feeling anxious about it.  I thought it might help for me to go back through my notes and “relearn” from the beginning.  Remind myself where I started and all the things I learned along the way.  I feel like going back through will really help solidify the lessons and hopefully build my strength for the next leg of this journey, whatever that might look like.

One ah-ha moment I had early on was learning that listening to my body is a form of self love.  When I eat when I’m not really hungry and stuff myself full of food I am ignoring the signals of my body and cutting into my self worth.  I don’t feel proud when I do this, I feel shame.  So in listening to my hunger signals, as hard as that can be sometimes, and honoring them, I am showing myself love.

When I read this and really let it sink in, it felt so right.  It has kept me from overeating SO many times and also pushed me to wait just a little longer to eat until I truly felt hungry.  Every single time I do this, I feel like it builds my confidence in myself and my ability to make actual change in my life.  It was revolutionary, really.

Each week I will pull something out of the old journal and share it here.  I believe it will help me get out of this big rut!

What have you learned that really makes a big difference to you?

xoxo

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee – New Season!

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I love Jerry Seinfeld’s ‘Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee’ and was so excited when I went to the site today and saw that Season 5 has started!  This show makes me happy and brightens my day.  I highly recommend it when you just need a smile.

I watched Kevin Hart and couldn’t stop laughing.  And one of my favorites is on TOMORROW, Amy Schumer…can’t wait!

I love every episode but here are a few of my favorite favorites:

Writing this blog post just makes me want to go watch them all again.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

xoxo

Drinking tea as meditation

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When I was in high school we used to go downtown to a place called The Coffee Plantation which sadly no longer exists.  Once I was approached by a German student who was visiting from abroad.  It was around Christmastime and he didn’t have anyone nearby that he knew.  Somehow, I ended up bringing him to my house.  Dangerous, I know, but it all worked out fine.

While he was at my house, he drank a cup of coffee.  I will never forget him sitting on my mother’s couch, drinking that cup of coffee and talking about the wonderful sensation of sitting quietly and drinking coffee while it was in that sweet spot of not-too-hot and not-too-cold and the happiness that can come enjoying that coffee and doing nothing else.

He left and I never saw him again but that conversation stuck with me.  It was my first lesson in mindfulness.

I was reminded of this memory this morning while having a cup of tea and relishing the pleasure of drinking it at the exact perfect temperature.  It’s a small, wonderful moment in time.

One of my goals has long been to implement a regular meditation practice.  I think I might have just found it, this article gives me permission. 🙂

Does anyone else do this?  Or do you have another simple way to practice meditation?

It’s okay to be mediocre or even fail

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One thing I’ve been working on for years now is being okay with being mediocre.  What does that mean?  It means that someone else is always going to be better than me.  It means that it’s okay not to be the best.  It’s okay, even important, to do something that I like, just because I like it, even though I’m not the best and never will be.

Take this blog.  I don’t think I’m the world’s best writer.  Sometimes I start a post to find out that I really have no idea what point I am trying to make.  But I enjoy writing and thinking about topics and coming up with ideas and making something I can complete and look at and think, hey, I put something new out into the world, even if it’s not that great.

Maybe, just maybe, if I keep working on it and keep writing and keep enjoying this, it will eventually turn into something that actually has some kind of collective substance.  Or maybe it won’t but I will surely learn a lot along the way.

The point is to bring joy into my life.  I want to do the things on my bucket list, the things that I have in my head.  I want to be silly and serious and learn new things and have new experiences.  I want to shape my life rather than letting it shape me.

And one of the things that is helping me do that is this blog.  So, there it is, I am going to keep working on this blog and let it bring me joy even if it never turns into anything more than a source of fun for me.

What do you want to try just for the fun of it even though you will never be the best?

xoxo