Making new choices

I’ve been working on normal eating since 2008 which means it’s been six years!  It’s been an eye-opening process and I’ve learned so many new things about myself and grown so much.  It’s been such a worthwhile experience and I truly would NEVER go back to dieting.

I’ve made great strides in certain areas (neutralizing food talk ie no “good” or “bad” food, learning to appreciate my body as it is, putting up boundaries, letting go) but I really haven’t dropped any weight aside from fluctuations due to pregnancy.

What am I missing?

I feel like there’s something major that I am avoiding but I can’t figure out what it is, it’s a mystery.  I feel like I’m not smart enough or intuitive enough to get to the bottom of the mystery.  Even as I write that I know it sounds absurd.  If I am really committed, I should be able to figure it out, right?

So today I start trying to figure this out and I am going to use writing, meditating and the rules of normal eating to get me there.  There is no easy way.  I have to go through the painstaking process of slogging my way through the mess that is my mind!

Nobody can do it for me, there is no easy answer, it’s just one foot in front of the other.  Eventually I will make it where I am going, even if I don’t know where that is quite yet.

The first step is accepting that I don’t know what the hell is stopping me.  I don’t have the answer.  It will be a special surprise!

So here I am, accepting that I have no idea how I’m going to get where I want to go OR where I will truly land.

STATS: Today I weigh 190lbs.

WHAT HAVE I DONE TODAY: Took the stairs, only ate one (and a half) cookie, blogged.  Ha ha!  A good start…

How do you “treat” yourself?

starbucks-drew-barrymore

A venti chai latte, three pumps nonfat, and a slice of pumpkin loaf.  That is my morning treat after dropping the baby off if I’ve had a particularly bad night or morning.  The problem with that is every night and morning feels difficult (ah the joys of two children).  So I have the urge to stop at Starbucks every day.  So then my “treat” turns into my routine.  I looked at my bank account the other day and every single purchase that wasn’t a bill was in a coffee shop of some kind or another.  It becomes my routine, no longer feels like a treat, and then I have to go looking for another way to feel like I’m getting a treat.

SO, I found a way to at least offset the cost.  I made my own pumpkin bread and bought a box of the liquid chai from Starbucks so I can make my own.

After a few days, I realized the “treat” is not necessarily the drink and pastry, it’s the luxury of stopping in Starbucks, smelling the coffee, making my order, paying for it, waiting along with all the other hipsters and carrying my sweating logoed cup around with me all morning.  The treat is being taken care of by someone else, in a very small way.  This will not be fixed by baking a loaf of pumpkin bread, I suppose!

But identifying the problem is half the battle, right?  I’ll take this as a sign that I need to take care of myself a little more.  It seems there are so few hours in the day and so much of it is spent tending to other little beings besides myself.  What always hangs me up is, what exactly does taking care of myself look like?

BTW I just love Drew.  Here’s an interesting article about her and her mother.

My Girl Crush

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Last night I listened to Jeff Garlin’s podcast “By The Way” where he interviews Amy Poehler and I fell in love with her just a little bit more.

I love her humor.  I love that she takes compliments (she just says “Thank you”).  She is humble but confident.  I love that she can be herself and is willing to defend herself if someone criticizes her.  I love that she helped found (or develop?) the Upright Citizens Brigade.  I love that she marries and dates really funny guys.  I love that she performed 8 months pregnant!

What I have learned from stories about her and hearing her talk and, of course, watching her on SNL and Parks and Rec is that she is brave, confident and unapologetic without being self-righteous or obnoxious.  I aspire to this.  I am sure she would poo-poo this but I think she’s a great example to all women and I hope to grow up to be just like her.

And Jeff Garlin’s pretty great too!

How about you, do you have a girl crush?  If so, on who?

Also, Amy Poehler rapping as Sarah Palin.

Tim Gunn

Today I listened to an NPR interview with Tim Gunn and it was so funny and sweet.  I had no idea that he tried to end his life when he was a teen.  He always seems so calm and put together, it surprised me to hear there was a time when he was so unhappy and unsure.  After he attempted suicide he went into intense therapy for over two years.  It’s an amazing story and I am so glad that he was able to get help.  I’m hope his story and perspective will help someone out there.

Also, 25 things you don’t know about Tim Gunn.  I especially like #1 and #15!

Gift Guide: New Orleans Spirit #1

One of New Orleans’ greatest qualities is it’s pride.  The people who live here believe it’s truly the only place to live.  Especially since Katrina, there have been lots of little businesses popping up giving New Orleanians lots of unique products to express their love of the city.  Here are a few things I love and any New Orleans fan in your life would love too!

I have named this gift guide #1 because I just know there will be more!

This is the Jazzfest poster for 2014.  Doesn’t it beautifully capture the spirit of New Orleans?

A Dirty Coast t-shirt.  This company started just before Hurricane Katrina hit and has been putting out unique designs ever since.
A Jazzfest flag which can only be purchased at the fest.  I love the way the design captures the movement and spirit of the music of New Orleans.

This beautiful jewelry by Jose Balli.  He has so many wonderful and unique designs, something for everyone!

Anything sold by Two Sprouts.  This little company was started by two wonderful women who wanted to start a business that would allow them to use their unique skills and also spend more time with their families.  Everything they make is adorable and uniquely New Orleans.  The ladder with the beads is something special about Mardi Gras which I will be sharing soon.

A second line umbrella is the most wonderful addition to any occasion.  They are so festive and fun!  They were originally used as part of a funeral procession but have grown in popularity and can be found in just about any New Orleans celebration.

Of course, beignet mix!  Anyone who has been to New Orleans has probably had a beignet and, if you are anything like me, had it multiple times.  You can use this mix to make it at home!

Eye Widening Plastic Surgery

A friend of mine is going to see this adorable Japanese pop sensation in Chicago next month.  Her name is Pamyu Pamyu and she is adorable.  Here she is in one of her music videos (which I love but don’t really understand!).

He told me something kind of disturbing, though.  Apparently she had her eyes widened to look more like anime!  I got curious and went looking for more information and found this CNN story about Asian women getting their eyes widened to look more westernized.  Apparently they believe it’s more beautiful and that it will help them earn more money and get better jobs.
I find this utterly heartbreaking and yet understandable at the same time.

Sleeping Babies

Is there anything sweeter than a sleeping baby?  I feel lucky that this is how my days end.  Being a parent isn’t always glamorous or easy and this makes it all worthwhile.