Making new choices

I’ve been working on normal eating since 2008 which means it’s been six years!  It’s been an eye-opening process and I’ve learned so many new things about myself and grown so much.  It’s been such a worthwhile experience and I truly would NEVER go back to dieting.

I’ve made great strides in certain areas (neutralizing food talk ie no “good” or “bad” food, learning to appreciate my body as it is, putting up boundaries, letting go) but I really haven’t dropped any weight aside from fluctuations due to pregnancy.

What am I missing?

I feel like there’s something major that I am avoiding but I can’t figure out what it is, it’s a mystery.  I feel like I’m not smart enough or intuitive enough to get to the bottom of the mystery.  Even as I write that I know it sounds absurd.  If I am really committed, I should be able to figure it out, right?

So today I start trying to figure this out and I am going to use writing, meditating and the rules of normal eating to get me there.  There is no easy way.  I have to go through the painstaking process of slogging my way through the mess that is my mind!

Nobody can do it for me, there is no easy answer, it’s just one foot in front of the other.  Eventually I will make it where I am going, even if I don’t know where that is quite yet.

The first step is accepting that I don’t know what the hell is stopping me.  I don’t have the answer.  It will be a special surprise!

So here I am, accepting that I have no idea how I’m going to get where I want to go OR where I will truly land.

STATS: Today I weigh 190lbs.

WHAT HAVE I DONE TODAY: Took the stairs, only ate one (and a half) cookie, blogged.  Ha ha!  A good start…


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